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Life outside Ambridge
Life outside Ambridge
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Life in Ambridge
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ReplyDeleteOldWomanInAShoe - May 5, 2021 at 8:08 PM
I've been reminded this week of a girl who was in my form at secondary school. She was a right pain, a bit of a drip, and used to hang around like a bad penny. I'm afraid we were not always kind to her.
She moved away after a year and started at a different school. I heard later that she was flourishing in her new school. I do wonder just how much that was down to her finding new friends who were prepared to accept her as she was and look for the positives in her character rather than focusing on those traits that we had found irritating.
What we see in another person often depends on what we're looking out for ...
KPnuts - May 5, 2021 at 9:29 PM
It could be that the girl in question took on board some of the feedback she had received and was able to put on a new persona that helped her gain acceptance, or she may have just found a couple of other slight misfits to link up with. A lot of us just need a few good friends rather than a large gang, that is certainly my personal experience.
Basia - May 6, 2021 at 8:06 AM
"I just called to say I love you" - all of you, reading or not. I'll be back after my shopping trip and a daily dose of Woman's Hour.
A very peaceful soothing heading Gary. Just what's needed at present 😉
ReplyDeleteVery appropriate Gary
DeleteOWiaS, would that I were blessed with your charitable nature. Given my personal circumstances, there are times when like others, I also look to the blog as a means of solace. and when I see that there have been - say 10 new entries since the last time I checked in, my spirits rise. Then I find that they are nearly all inconsequential one-liners from the same person, which is certainly not what I was looking out for, and go back to contemplating the pile of washing that I haven't the energy to tackle.
ReplyDeleteThat's when even I start thinking 'bring on the dogs and the cricket'!
Soz, there was one further, small adjustment to my garden yesterday, but it involves explanation, which I'll leave till another day. Thank you so much for asking.
Janice & AP - that REALLY is Tinkerbelle! They have 3 other cottages on the estate, all as cute as a button. There's also a "Big House" that probably sleeps about 20 or so.
ReplyDeleteFirst discovered it when I was lucky enough to be given the chance to write a review for it in "Scottish Field" magazine (the equivalent up here of "Country Life"). Been fortunate to have been sent to about 7 or 8 places by the magazine - the most spectacular was a whole week in Fyvie Castle in Aberdeenshire. A whole 12 century tower (6 floors I think!) in one of the most beautiful buildings in the UK. Just the 2 of us - we didn't realise that we were supposed to bring another dozen or so people!
Oh Gary...
DeleteWhat a lost opportunity !
Given that you could have taken a complete party of friends, you would have had social credit for the next few years.
What a shame you didn't read the small print.
Sarnia
Well put.
MrsP - I know! When we arrived at the castle the staff were lined up outside waiting for us and someone asked if the rest of the party were on there way - we were carrying out the review in secret so we had to pretend we were just looking forward to peace and quiet on our own-some. They must have thought we were loaded!
DeleteIt was our first ever trip together and it couldn't have been better...
Sounds idyllic Gary. Like those holiday properties that were featured on Channel 4 recently where two (famous) friends like Alison Steadman and Prue Leith visited amazing and unusual holiday lets. A windmill in East Anglia, a converted Martello Tower out at sea etc. Mind you, they never told us how much it cost to say in such luxurious places.
DeleteThat cottage looks incredible, but does it have any facilities at all? I do need to be able to have a warm shower or bath and some sort of cooker is also close to essential for this tender-foot, I was never a happy camper, if I go off-grid I still need my creature comforts.
ReplyDeleteIt has a full kitchen, an ensuite bath and a big wood burning stove! The downstairs is all one circular room and the massive bedroom is wood panelled (including the ceiling) and has a skylight above the bed for gazing at the stars.... MrGG is exactly like you KP, whereas I'm happy as Larry in a tent by a river.
DeleteGazing at the stars! How romantic! I hope there were no clouds and no light pollution to spoil your astronomy. Sounds wonderful. 🌠 🌌 🌠
DeleteOK now I’m truly jealous, it sounds truly idyllic, now I’m wondering where I can find something similar further south!
DeleteI'm tempted to suggest my daughters Cottages in Cornwall KP
DeleteNot round, but very nice and they were converted from some farm building or other.
But seriously..... do you know about the Landmark Trust ?
Similar to NT but the buildings they save are quirky and humble rather than grand. They have follies and farm buildings and even a house in Spitalfields, all available as holiday lets.
I have always fancied staying in a lighthouse - looking out to the west so I could see beautiful sunsets across the sea.
DeleteArcherphile thanks for your suggestion of glyphosate for eliminating ground elder - yes we still have some and are going to try it in one section.
ReplyDeleteI think the landmark trust are responsible for Clavells Tower in Kimmeridge Dorset. It overlooks the bay, Gad cliff behind . Wonderful for sunsets.
Soz, just make absolutely sure you don’t get the glyphosate on any plants you want to keep! They used to make it in a push-up stick that you could just stoke alongg the leaves & stems without touching other things but not sure if it’s still available. Good luck!
DeleteTinkerbelle cottage looks delightful, Gary! I am glad you had a super time away and then a visit to an exhibition too! Heaven!
ReplyDeleteMy son was also away this week but for work. He was very close to the border with Slovenia in a very unusual small town called Palmanova in the province of Udine. He told me to google it and I was amazed to see that it is in the shape of a nine-pointed star. It dates back to 1593 and was built by the Venetians as a fort.
I have put a photo of it as my profile picture.
DeleteIt looks an amazing place Hilary.
DeleteHow incredible it has stayed the same for all those Centuries.
DeleteWhat is best to do? Our neighbours and friends have had an awful life changing time since the autumn. The local surgery was only giving phone consultations at the time because of covid and as a result by the time our neighbour got to hospital it was too late, and they first removed toes and then the leg below the knee. He was an undiagnosed diabetic.
ReplyDeleteHis wife, despite being very stressed, has done brilliantly buying special cookbooks for diabetics, learning new recipes, and because they were told it would help if he lost weight she has put him on a diet and he has lost 6 stone. This latter has also been helped by the fact that he is now no longer eating in greasy spoon truckers cafes, and eating sweet things and drinking fizzy drinks to keep him going during long drives across Europe.
He has had many medical appointments, at first taken by ambulance but now he has to get himself there. His wife has never learned to drive, so my daughter, especially during lockdown when she has been on furlough, has been taking him to appointments ( surgery, podiatrist, fittings for artificial leg, physiotherapy etc). She is back at nearly fulltime work now but can still take him to appointments in the middle of the week. Next week he has one on a Monday so I will be taking him then.
The problem is this. They, like us now, shop online but there are always some other things you need so my daughter takes him to a local shop to get a few groceries. He can just about walk now with the a. leg but my daughter goes into the shop with him to help carry shopping. BUT what he is doing is paying for the groceries with a bank card of the joint household account that his wife checks, and then buying chocolate and sweets on his own personal card and hiding them separately in a belt bag he wears.
My daughter has tried saying to him that as a diabetic who has lost his leg be shouldn't be doing that, but he happily munches one of the bars of chocolate on the drive home and just says his wife is being too strict with him. I think he is placing my daughter in a very awkward position as she is a good friend of his wife, and I am sure his wife will be very unhappy if she finds out.
My quandary is what do I do on Monday, because I have no doubt he will want to do "a bit of shopping" then too, and his wife will need the groceries. Can you tell a 51 year old man what he can and can't do? Once I asked if she would like to come too for the ride as she doesn't get out much now, but she actually welcomed having a break by herself at home.
It is on the way home from appointments he asks to do a bit of grocery shopping.
DeleteJanice….tell them in advance that you can take him but you have to come straight home. No time to go shopping. They can always order what bits they need online again.
ReplyDeleteThen you won’t be put in the awkward situation.
Thanks PtbY. The only problem is they know I have plenty of time because I am not working at all ( 70) . I suppose I could say I am expecting a phone call or something.
DeleteThat is a terrible position for both your daughter and yourself to have been put in.
DeleteHaving a diabetic husband myself I know the dangers. For his sake, and his wife’s I think you must refuse to stop off for the ‘shopping’ and, possibly consider telling his wife what he is doing.
I know it will seem like telling tales, but if he carries on and looses his other leg they will be in even more difficulty. Or if you don’t feel you can do that, you could suggest he buys sugar-free sweets and/or chocolate. If the local shop doesn’t stock them they can be ordered online. The only thing to beware of is that too much sorbitol, or similar artificial sweeteners can cause tummy upsets and the runs. (As I have found out, to my great discomfort!)
Just written quite an essay but of course “blogger Error” 😡 surely his blood sugar readings are going up? He should also have a diabetic nurse checking him after losing his leg due to his non diagnosis. In our area throughout the Pandemic we have had triage calls and then if required Surgery visits / Consultant appointments -so sad not the same for all.
DeleteJanice, to relate your dilemma to The Archers - what would you think if someone was helping Alice to buy booze and hiding the fact from Chris? If it was me in your position I would tell your friend exactly how uncomfortable it is making your family and that you would no longer be helping them to do damage to themselves. (Which I appreciate is much easier said than done!)
ReplyDeletePoint taken Gary, comparing it to Alice/Chris makes it very clear thanks.
DeleteNot sure about what you said P tbY
ReplyDeleteI agree with Archerphile.
It may happen again and Janice can't keep use the same excuse.
Sometimes it is much easier to tell the truth.
Janice, I remember when you told us your friend's sad story, how he was let down by the doctors.
ReplyDeleteWhy not tell him when he gets into the car/or before that you will only take him to his appointment if he doesn't buy the sweets, or he'll have to find someone else. Otherwise you become complicit and the same goes for your daughter. I know it won't be me, but try to pluck up your courage.
On another note, how do you feel about the G7 summit next month, good for business but invasive?
Having posted my previous comment I have to say that I haven't always taken my own advice.
ReplyDeleteWe sat with a friendly group of people at Sussex Cricket Ground which we visited often as Mr LJ supported Sussex and a lovely gentleman once asked me if I was going into Hove if I would get him his cigarettes because he wasn't able to walk that far.
He wasn't much older than I was and he died before his time.
I agreed to get his cigarettes for him.
I had never met his wife so did not know whether she knew what he was doing .
Janice - What a very difficult position to be put in. I think I would have to say something to the diabetic gentleman which is not easy I know. He is putting his entire life at risk for a bit of chocolate. His wife needs to know how her husband is sabotaging the sensible diet he needs to be on. Good luck with this.
ReplyDeleteWey Hey! I have got Antibidies! Mr A has Antibodies!
ReplyDeleteWe just had the results of out somewhat messy blood tests back and we are both positive for the little miracles. They must be due to the vaccines because neither of us has ever had any COVID symptoms.
Now we will be tested monthly for another year to see how long they last.
Janice, what a horrible situation you are in, and all because you have been a good friend and neighbour.
ReplyDeleteHave you looked at the situation from HIS point of view.
I see him as a man of power.
He was the breadwinner with a wife who has never driven.
Was that her choice, or his persuasion that she didn't need to ?
She sounds as though she might be a subservient woman.
He has indulged himself to the point of becoming diabetic, and has paid the consequences, which I am sure must be devastating to him and his wife.
She is doing her wifely duties, probably with love, to rehabilitate him.
He is secretly undermining her attempts to help him.
That is not a loving action.
He is also covertly using you to maintain his power over his own activities in deceiving his wife.
He is in denial of the danger to his life and his focus is on retaining his autonomy. This would be understandable if he were not at the same time using others to obtain his needs.
I would advise that on Monday you act as usual and allow him to buy and eat his sweets on the way home.
But somewhere close to home you stop the car and tell him you wish to have a conversation.
You explain to him in your own words that you are not any longer prepared to be used by him to put himself in further danger by enabling him to buy his sweets or to deceive his wife.
You need to emphasise USED !
You then tell him that on your return home YOU are going to tell his wife what has been happening.
If your daughter is at home on Monday, while you take him to the appointment then perhaps, since she is friendlier with the wife, could she tell her.
But the two events must happen together or in strict sequence, which may cause a fuss, but should be done.
Janice, all this would be very difficult for you and your daughter.
But it will also be very difficult for both your neighbours.
But I think you already know that the truth and transparency between all four of you is the answer.
The outcome may well be difficult and perhaps painful and may put barriers in place between all parties for some time.
The alternative will be continued lying and secrecy perhaps for years, and possibly retributions when he dies from his selfish overindulgence and lack of love for himself and his wife. For when she discovers that he has continued his intake of sugar she will inevitably blame you the enabler.
I wish you the best outcome, whatever you choose to do Janice.
I would echo Lady R’s post, that surely somebody must be monitoring his health, having been discharged as an amputee due to diabetes.
ReplyDeleteThey would notice if he starts to gain weight, his blood sugar checks, which should be submitted every few months, would tell the tale. Does he bother to check his blood sugar I wonder?
They would be certain to emphasise how important it is for him not to regain weight and to avoid sugar and warn him that his future health lies in his own hands.
If nobody from the hospital, or his GP are carrying out these checks it is very surprising and irresponsible.
I think simply tell him that you are not willing to carry on giving him lifts if it means supporting a very dangerous habit behind his wife’s back. He is very silly after that mindstopping alarm call! If this ends in a brick wall tell the wife.
ReplyDeleteNo Mrs P there is not only one alternative.
ReplyDeleteHe can driven to his home without diverting to any shops .
I honestly thin' that is the best solution and then nobody will feel any guilt
Ie just do what you were asked (or offered) to do.
Thank you all of you for your comments. I have much to mull over before Monday.
ReplyDeleteAs a start I have acted on the second paragraph of Archerfile's first reply. At Christmas I ordered online some Perlege sugar free bars of chocolate and he liked those, so this afternoon I have ordered some more,( our local little village shops don't stock such things) and am hoping they might arrive before Monday afternoon so I can present them to him as a sensible alternative, and explain where he can get them online.
He does have blood tests at the surgery, my daughter takes him for them. Presumably the G.P. would pick up on rising sugar levels and advise him, so it might be I am being too concerned. On second thought he is being an absolute idiot and I am quite cross with him. If he was my son he would cop it.
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ReplyDeleteSorry, folks, accidentally landed in this blog when trying to sign back in. Too much blood in caffeine stream!
DeleteI don't believe I said that there was only one alternative LJ.
ReplyDeleteThere are several, and when asked to by Janice we as a group have suggested alternatives.
Lady R and Archerphile have suggested that the health authority in some form or other will pick up on this mans blood sugar levels.
I seem to remember when Janice first told us about this couple she said that his diabetes had not been diagnosed.
My immediate thought was that this was a man who cared little for his health because to become an advanced diabetic without a diagnosis he would have been ignoring so many different symptoms which he would have been aware of and probably did not go to the doctor to find out why and what those symptoms suggested.
As a society we have lived for over seventy years with the NHS which should have been the NIS for it has not been a national HEALTH service but has been a national ILL service.
The result of the failure to educate society to understand that each individual is responsible for understanding their body and how to keep it healthy, has led to huge levels of medication used to assuage the swell of minor problems without digging deeper into fundamental causes, and to continue to enable many people to believe that nothing to do with their own health was up to them because the NHS would take care of them and sort it out.
In the last twenty years or so the NHS has opened its eyes to reality and is now making huge efforts to change the situation.
Lady R and Archerphile may experience or know of regular monitoring in Hampshire, for what has now become an explosion of diabetes, but that is not necessarily the case within all health authorities.
Many HA 's now produce information in the form of leaflets providing patients with facts about their condition and suggestions about how to manage such conditions.
In other words education to inform and encourage the patient to be responsible for themselves.
The onus of responsibility is often now with the patient.
One is not provided with a call or an invitation for a blood test, or a regular injection, but is expected to monitor a time frame for yourself and to make a request, rather than rely on your practice to inform you. Which in my opinion is how it should be.
As a society we are no longer ignorant peasants needing a paternal authority looking out for us.
Yes, after a certain age an annual well woman or well man appointment is provided but during a complete year between visits symptoms suggesting a problem may well arise.
And in my opinion if Janice's neighbour didn't recognise his symptoms then his wife might well have done so.
But is he a man that cares about his health ?
Would he have listened to her if she had suggested something was at fault ?
I wondered about that when J first wrote about the situation.
The behaviour since suggests that he does not care for himself or his wife, ( because she is the one carrying the burden of his reduced health) and certainly not for his own health !
He is now having blood tests, but once the current crisis is in the past will he continue when it becomes his responsibility to make those appointments for himself.
'Tis all very well taking responsibility for your own health, unless you are careless enough to develop a condition that the medical profession refused for years to acknowledge as real and then deemed too insignificant and trivial to be worth funding research for. How can you effectively treat someone's illness when you have no clue what the root problem is?
DeleteI know this doesn't apply to diabetes. (Unless the guy has had other unresolved problems in the past and got so tired of seeing the doctor and coming away with no answers that he simply learnt to ignore symptoms until they resolved themselves or he got used to them.)
He knew he constantly felt tired but put it down to the very long distance driving he was doing, mainly at night. It is very puzzling that it wasn't picked up about 3 years ago when he was hospitalised with pneumonia, unless diabetes is something that can develop quickly.
DeleteWe can’t judge this man as we know so little about him. Janice needs to distance herself from his current behaviour and that’s the full extent of her responsibility. His health or otherwise is up to him as it is to each of us.
ReplyDeletePrecisely my point Ev.
DeleteBut...
He is using his neighbour, Janice, to enable him to be able to buy what he wants without his wife knowing.
Usury !
And a subtle form of coercion.
And he is relying on her friendship and closeness as a neighbour to keep his secret, knowing that she and her daughter will be in a very uncomfortable quandary by needing to do so.
If Janice were to tell all to his wife and there is fall out, he will inevitably blame Janice for speaking up, being unlikely to take responsibility himself.
You are quite right. Janice needs to distance herself, but without revealing the truth she is likely to remain in an uncomfortable position.
You have my sympathy Janice.
Thank you all of you.
DeleteSorry Mrs P,I misread what you had written.
ReplyDeleteBasia 1.09 pm. I think it is exciting, but we are too far north to get a sight of any of these world leaders, and according to local news a "ring of steel " is being put around the area to keep sightseers out. I think St Ives will receive world media attention and that can only be good as regards long term tourism. Some local people have been very unhappy because trees have been felled to make additional accommodation for the security taskforce, admittedly ironic considering one of the subjects under discussion is conservation and prevention of global warming. Others are cheesed off because already ahead of time they are being stopped and asked who they are etc. I can't remember the last time I saw a policeman, but apparently there will be 5000 present in the summit area ( where do they hide out to at other times?!) as well as a lot of specialised security people. I feel quite proud that Cornwall is hosting a summit that will, among other things, try to work out and agree on a global policy for combating any future pandemics.
ReplyDeleteAnd Cornish furniture makers are making the tables for the summit conferences, so that has provided work for them, and maybe just maybe that might open up markets abroad for them. Exciting times.
DeleteI'm already dreading the massive climate accord conference in Glasgow later this year. Every world leader and their entourage is coming to town accompanied by thousands of journalists and presumably hundreds of thousands of protesters. We are already making plans to leave the city.
DeleteThe steam railway is not having war weekend this October. We will be staying put for the first time in about 6 years!
DeleteI couldn't believe it when I read that in past years the climate conference has been sponsored by fossil fuel companies. 😣
DeleteWar weekend ??
DeleteGoogle Pickering war weekend. Thousands come and dress up in 1940’s costumes it’s a nightmare for locals.
DeleteI've been to similar events at Dean Forest railway when my husband took part in WW2 re-enactments.
DeleteFun to attend, but I can see that the influx of visitors could cause problems.
Not forgetting our Hampshire “Watercress Line” 🤗 their online website is showing dates for special weekends this year including “War on the line” in June 🤔 for this volunteers are usually in the town as well dressed as in 1940’s and chatting to you as in that decade as well. Also a big vintage car rally goes on each year right in the middle of town if not that weekend (?) very near to...
DeleteSo much to ponder.
ReplyDeleteMrsP - very wise words. I believe that in ancient China one paid their doctor to keep them in good health and when it failed the treatment was free. I believe that the NHS's priorities are still mortality rates (to me that means unnecessary surgery) and waiting times. A dear neighbour of mine began to suffer back pain, was seen by various specialists and finally underwent another hip replacement and soon after died of kidney cancer...I've had a similar experience but obviously not as final.
Gary - I'm with you about planned escape in November. Also, when do you plan the scenic train journey, now you're of age?
Janice - I hope those new 'tables will be turned', ie put to some further use or donated to those who need them. As for fossil fuels finance - money talks!
I like the Chinese idea!
DeleteI agree with you about mortality rates. Seems to me that if the NHS can keep you alive it's not too bothered about the quality of that life.
(That said, in an emergency, it can't be beaten.)
The NHS saved my life just over twenty years ago with effective cancer treatment. They fought so hard to save Mike. Katy has just started a new biological treatment for her psoriasis which entails an injection every two months. It stops the immune system fighting itself. So far it is very effective. I was born in the same year as the NHS and I for one am most grateful for it.
DeleteOwiaS - I so agree with the point you and Basia make.
DeleteSave the life. Never mind the quality of it.
We used to be able to rely on 'the old mans friend' Pneumonia.
Not any longer, we are prevented from even that.
The NHS wants to keep en alive to look good, sod the quality of the life left.
Ev -
I too am EXTREMELY grateful to the NHS, it has done much for me throughout my life. It is a wonderful organisation and is admired worldwide.
But that should not prevent it being criticised and efforts made to rid of it some massive faults.
Yes I agree there is vast room for improvement but at the same time we need to appreciate what is good. Katy was in a forum with others who had psoriasis and in America it is impossible to get insurance for a pre existing condition so they either have to be able to afford treatment themselves or go without. Believe me it can be a very painful condition and I dread to think what she might have suffered over the years. This new treatment is very expensive but touch wood it seems to be working. I can only speak from my own experience but I am so glad to be here in UK.
DeleteI have just heard from a friend who was thought to be suffering from sciatica for the past two years, with increasing pain. Last week, at long last, she had an x-Ray, the results of which show she actually has advanced osteoarthritis in her hip - not sciatica at all.
ReplyDeleteShe was told the waiting list at her hospital for a hip replacement could be up to 7 years!!
She is not happy.
WHAT up to 7yrs AP! Where does your friend live. Any likelihood like yourself that she could self fund. Although that would still leave so many unable to do so ☹️
DeleteWhat is happening to Radio 4? I don't like the new website for a start, but can still access the old one. I listened to Front Row on Thursday and found out that Gillian Reynolds was let go as radio critic for the Sunday Times, because they didn't want her to continue writing about Radio 4.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how I found out about Times Radio but just have a look at the list of presenters, that's where many of them have gone.
For anyone who is interested there is a series of programmes starting on Monday 10th of May on BBC2 at 8.00pm about the building of the RHS Garden Bridgewater.
ReplyDeleteOoh. Thanks for the heads up. I will deffo be recording that.
DeleteAn avid reader normally I have only actually read one book this year!
ReplyDeleteApparently I ordered it from the library in January and there were so many requests that I could only collect it last week.
It was the third of Jane Harper's books called "The Survivors " and I gave it 2*
Very disappointing.
In my opinion only her first is really worth reading.
(Mind you I did start the Richard Osman one - top of the best sellers list- but couldn't finish it so it might be me)
Archerphile I bought the Steven Booth book "Black Dog" following your recommendation and have decided after two attempts to try again.
In fairness my mind wasn't in the "reading mood" earlier this year.
I will let you know how I get on .
Third time lucky?
I wasn't impressed by the Richard Osman book Lanjan. In contrast I'm about to start book 17 of Stephen Booth's Cooper and Fry series, thanks for mentionong them Archerfile.
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ReplyDeleteIt would be nice to see a photo but I don't suppose it would all fit in. It sounds a fantastic garden. My wildlife "pond" just consists of 4 old ceramic Butler type sinks but we do always have tadpoles in the Spring. A proper pond would be nice.
DeleteWhen my daughter was little she came in really excited because she said we had baby crocodiles, turned out they were crested newts and I removed them to a nearby stream with pools because they seemed to think tadpoles were lunch.
Next spell of fine weather I'll see what I can do. The ones taken as a record won't do it justice because the wisteria, azaleas and geums are all coming out in flower with more to come, so it's beginning to look quite Greek and gaudy.
ReplyDeleteI also have crocodiles, but I miss the tadpoles we used to get before they turned up- tadpoles have so much more entertainment value.
What a wonderful description of your garden Sarnia. I think I now understand how it all flows from one area to another. I had imagined it was on a slop upwards and your extra bit was on the right, so I had got it all wrong in my minds eye.
DeleteIt sounds beautiful now, worth opening for the yellow book gardens scheme in fact!
We could all arrive for tea and cakes on opening day and admire the transformation you have made.
😉 🏡
I can begin to visualise your garden now. Thank you for the detail Sarnia. A sloping garden can be difficult but yours sounds carefully thought through and each part accessible. I like the idea of each level paved in a different shade.
ReplyDeleteHave you any marginal plants around your pond? I ask this because my brother in law has just dug a wildlife pond but doesn’t seem to have any more than 2 inches depth to plant anything around the edge which requires a damp position. Is that usual? I know nothing about ponds.
My aunt used to live in Athelstan Road in Southampton, is that anywhere near? My parents lived in Woodmill Lane before the war - they were married in St Michaels church.
I know Athelstan Road - I used to push the pram down it to get to the baby clinic. Going down was OK, so long as you didn't let go of the handle. Going back up was a slog!
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ReplyDeleteOWiaS - given my association with 'the Parish church near the top of Athelstan Rd' in the 80s and 90s, what's the betting that we've actually known each other all along?
ReplyDeleteSarnia, do I understand, from the above that you live in/ near Southampton?
DeleteI have always imagined you being over to the west, somewhere near Mrs P or in the Cotswolds or Forest of Deane area!
If so, you are located only about 20 miles down the M3 from us and make yet another member of our ArchersFan blog to be living in Hampshire!
I do indeed. Search the garden description for an inadvertent further clue!
DeleteArcherphile -
DeleteYour confusion, if it has been such, may be due to the fact that Sarnia and I had some conversation prior to a meet up in a town a short distance from me.
This was because Sarnia has a relative in that town and was visiting.
Hence the arrangement to meet.
Sarnia, 'tis possible that we have met. But I'm rubbish at names and faces. I was mainly at the evening service.
DeleteFrom your garden description, I would guess your road begins with an 'H'.
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ReplyDeleteI’m still in the 1950’s then 😂 although of course not us food, household and personal items too.
DeleteOoh, Basia, does that make your dwelling a chateau? If so, you'll have nowhere to escape to!
ReplyDeleteOWiaS, just a thought: brain still fizzing: is your 'old' other half the Rev PS?
Why does a fizzing brain make me think of a bathbomb?
DeleteOMiaS is not a postscript, and is now trying to work out who you are thinking of!
'Food for thought, Basia. In the 1950s incomes were very low and food expensive, so remembering my parents' grocery purchases they might well have cost that much of the weekly income. I've been doing my sums, and find to my surprise that I'm with the US at about 6%. This is puzzling, as I've always had the impression that I eat far more than the other women I know. Perhaps it's just a reflection of my mathematical ineptitude!
ReplyDeleteSarnia, I calculated online for my annual spending. The bottom line is that food is too cheap to buy and the farmers are subsidized to mass produce and sell it cheaply to the supermarkets. The answer is supposed to be more small scale food production. There was a quote from one farmer saying that he wouldn't touch his own produce and prefers to buy organic which he can't afford to cultivate. My sister bought over 1kg of bread at a market away from home for €3.50, at home she pays €6 for a small loaf of artisan bread. I'm not preaching, just reading.
DeleteNo, I don't live in a chateau (!), as the address suggests, but in a small block of flats on the edge of a small town.
Wouldn't that be astonishing if many years later two of our contributors on this blog discover that they had indeed known each other in the past.
ReplyDeleteOwiaS -
were you reading way back when Sarnia revealed her talent as a published poet ?
In doing so her name was revealed, a name you might remember.
Basia - how very romantic your abode sounds. Please tell us more if you feel you can.
Are Basia !
DeleteI see that you have given an explanation.
Yes, MrsP, I do remember.
DeleteThe conversation was in our final BBC blog. Talk about long blogs - that one ran to 688 posts! Fortunately I didn't need to scroll through the lot to find enough clues to stick into google.
Her name rings a vague bell. But, as I said earlier, I'm dreadful at names and faces.
Basia, Sitopia is fantastic. It was also featured on The Food program, R4, a while ago, Sheila Dillon interviewed Corolyn Steel.
ReplyDeleteWe now pay an artificially low price for food, governed by giant supermarkets, I find the constant desire to lower prices also lowers availability, freshness, quality and choice, I hate soggy strawberries at Christmas and unseasonal produce in general. I am presently eating as much rhubard as I can get whilst still in season, and stewing it for the freezer.
In Devon there are many outlets for seasonal produce, e.g. farm shops, (Darts Farm), co-operatives like In My Backyard, both of which I use when visiting, but in my area, (Co. Durham) I can't find anything as good. However, the prices are far higher than supermarkets, and I feel that one has to be single or wealthy to afford them. When I had a family to feed, these lovely suppliers would have been too expensive for me, which is silly for simple, healthy food, and shows how much the giant conglomerates have distorted our views of food/cost/sustainability.
I was born in 1955, and certainly remember my mother routinely cooking beef for Sunday dinner, chickens were so expensive that they were reserved for Easter and Christmas.
I am 10 years older than you Mistral, but I also remember only having chicken for a special treat, or at Christmas. Usually it was one of our own hens which had stopped laying. Tough old birds they were too and really needed boiling for Chicken soup ( with matzo balls or noodles, of course,) rather than roasting.
DeleteEvery other Sunday was lamb, beef or veal, which I hated. How things have changed around these days. Lamb, my favourite meat is so expensive it is strictly for high days and holidays!
Re the above chat about food - I listened to part of the Food Programme in the car just now. They were looking at archives from 1971 and the changes or similarities since then.
ReplyDeleteAlso - this may or may not interest some of you - Radio 3 at 7.30 this evening has a drama about Cecil Sharp and his search for and preservation of folk music.
Agree with all above comments re cheap food, sustainability and so on.
DeleteLike others I am a devotee of the Food Programme.
ZoeT - thanks for the heads up re C. Sharp this evening.
Mistral, thank you. I've listened to two episodes with Carolyn Steel. I usually listen to the Food Programme but with 2030 as heading I must have dismissed it as some kind of fiction, which may well become reality, let's hope. Asparagus is now in season, here in Alsace they prefer thick white spears, I favour thin green ones but buy whatever's on offer.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I'm not in a position to engage in ethical food purchasing, The nearest farmers' market must be miles away, and with no transport I'm afraid it's Sainsbury's or Sainsbury's.
ReplyDeleteHello Sarnia, yes, same here, I only indulge when visiting family in Devon. I wish I could find similar close to home.
DeleteThe veg in our weekly box are so much fresher and tastier than those from the supermarket, they are more expensive but we eat a lot less meat these days so spend a similar amount. We really enjoy the weekly newsletter from our local farmer telling us about the trials and tribulations of growing veg in our unpredictable climate and giving information on the varieties he grows and why. We also have our milk delivered from a local farmer in old fashioned glass bottles.
ReplyDeleteI only get veg now from a small shop in Ryde. They do next day delivery free if you spend over £8. As previously said a bit more expensive but fresh. Katy and I share the expenseSof food but roughly, not down to the nearest penny! The pandemic has meant we shop local where possible. We have IOW cheese except for cheddar. The cheese company do a lovely soft blue and a Brie like cheese. Briddlesford farm where they keep Guernsey cows do a wonderful Gouda, far better than the supermarket stuff. We used to like M & S on a small scale but they don’t deliver as Ocala don’t operate on the island.
ReplyDeleteI've been obliged to move my milk account online as the company will no longer accept payment by direct debit, which goes very much against my better judgement. However, although I find navigating the website complicated and time-consuming, and therefore a nuisance, as a compensation I discover that whereas the local garden centre will not deliver goods costing less than an eye-watering amount of money (ie, their 'designer' garden furniture) I can now order bags of peat-free compost from the milkman!
ReplyDeletePS Our local shops are fine as long as you want a tattoo or scary fingernails.
DeleteSarnia, the information you give in your garden description is really quite detailed.
ReplyDeleteGranted, not everyone is a nosy trainspotter who prefers online detective work to tidying and shoework. But online satellite maps are quite detailed too.
You might want to remove the post and replace it with one containing fewer inadvertent clues.
PS Still no idea about RevPS
Feller with a ponytail (in the 90s, anyway) who went into ministry.
DeleteMistral 2.07pm ....
ReplyDeleteRe chicken.
I have the letter my mother wrote to me when my elder son was born in 1963 and she says that my father decided to celebrate the birth of his first grand child by going to the butcher to buy a chicken!
Thank you, OWiaS. I'm not a great internet buff, so that would not have occurred to me.
DeleteI've found that map you mentioned OW. Much to my relief it's years out of date and the street numbering is incorrect, but I've remove the posts anyway.
ReplyDeleteLanjan, yes, chicken really was special back then.
ReplyDeleteMum always used the giblets to make gravy, they were stuffed inside the cavity. Also I remember big thick pork chops with the kidney included. I haven't been inside a proper butcher's shop in years, 2009 actually, when I worked in Easingwold N. Yorkshire, which had at least two fantastic butchers.
Where I live, there is a meat hypermarket/abbatoir, pepole travel for miles for the very cheap meat sold there. It is the main reason I went off meat, the smell was vile. I was very pleased when it burnt down, but sadly the owner rebuilt it, even bigger.
OW I often played the evening service in Rev JW's time - he who went off to be what his wife described as an 'archdemon'!
ReplyDeleteMrs P - just had a look at our other blog and see you were right in your prediction!
ReplyDeleteAll in one comment though, no after thoughts.😊
DeleteWhat I object to is being issued with instructions, but it may be perceived that we here did the same, still, welcome back Miriam, your last post here was very coherent with no scrambled words. Especially that food was on the agenda yesterday.
DeleteThe bottom line is that we are meant to eat or else and it's dreadful that in our 'affluent' society some do not have enough. I am very fortunate that within ten minutes' walk there are two greengrocers, three bakeries, two butchers, a small supermarket and *my* bio shop where I buy all my food and go for entertainment which works both ways because I'm the exotic creature from outside. I think we always had chicken on Sundays but then again I am a bit different.
ReplyDeleteThere's also a weekly market and some more local producers come on Saturdays, but I leave it to those who work.
What is a bio shop, is it a health or organic shop?
DeleteBoth I suppose, the French call organic bio, from biological as if the rest wasn't, but the shop is often referred to as magasin dietetique, again as opposed to normal or boutique which to us means an upmarket clothes shop.
DeleteBasia - your description sounds very much like the shops that we have in smaller towns. In Nailsworth the ' bio' shop is a health food shop inside which has a small area outside selling organic vegetables. I consider it a good combination.
DeleteArcherphile -
your post earlier this morning.
What prediction did I make that you are referring to ?
Was it about Chris becoming a single parent ?
I thought I understood it!
DeleteNo Mrs P, not about Chris. I was trying to be a bit discrete.
DeleteAh !
DeleteI see Janice understood.
Yes I understand now.
Sorry... being a bit thick !
A totally different subject but someone might be able to help!
ReplyDeleteA bird has been feeding from my stash of food outside for about a week, but I cannot think what sort of bird it is!
It is a ground feeder. It is the shape of a blackbird but slightly bigger. It has brown feathers on the top half of its body, both back and front and black feathers from about half way down its back and tail, It has no other colours on its wings when it flies.
I have tried to take pictures of it but still too far away. I thought it was a juvenile blackbird but it is larger than that! I can't find any RSPB sights which might identify it. Suppose I'll keep looking!
Other that that I have two doves,white, which have followed me for about several months.
However they are now so familiar that they perch on my window sill usually early in the morning! Now I usually have my bedroom windows wide open all year round, except in fierce windy weather. Yesterday I was woken up by two doves INSIDE on my windowsill cooing gently to me! Yesterday lunchtime I went to the bedroom and discovered that two ornaments, a glass jar from a holiday in Devon and a black Egyptian cat from sister's honeymoon in Egyptian, were knocked down. Obviously the birds like to walk the window sill!
I might have to get a net just to keep behind the curtain so as to keep the birds out! I don't usually have nets as I live on the first floor and no nets are needed!
By the way the chicken debate. Back in the distant times (!) my family used to take 'Days old' chicks (by rail when Dad cycled down to station , about three mile!)in August and then chicks were raised towards Christmas when many neighbours and family would buy for Christmas dinner. I often used to, the week before Christmas, would often pluck chickens! The birds themselves would often average obout 20lbs! They were enormous!
I wonder what colour beak it has. If it is black rather than yellow it could be a juvenile male blackbird without its adult plumage yet. I think we sometimes get migrant blackbirds that are bigger than ours.
DeleteSpiceycushion
DeleteYour doves are coming to keep you company and to give you sustenance in your recovery.
Cherish them, I can see that you already are, and perhaps move your obstacles from the windowsill to give them room.
I think your story is wonderful !
Afraid I can't identify the brown bird.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteRemoved. Only explained as to why posted on other page yesterday, relating purely as to a new once a week TA post re thoughts. The coded chats today, have totally changed this idea....
DeleteMiriam, you explained on the other blog why you posted yesterday, where no explanation was required and I have addressed you directly by your name on both blogs. Like before you can post without warnings or excuses. I hope you read this.
Delete👍👍and very much appreciated. Thank-you..
DeleteMiriam, like Basia, I accepted and answered your post yesterday, without any unpleasantness.
DeleteI've done the same again this evening.
Now LanJan has directed you to a TV programme that she thinks will interest you.
Pick your spirit up, and carry on as you have yesterday and today and as Basia says, you don't need to explain or warn us.
Miriam If you are reading this blog I think you will be very interested in Michael Portillo's Railway programme ,Great Railway Journeys ,which is on BBC2 as I write!
ReplyDeleteWhy ?
Hint
George Mottershead
Cheshire cheese…..watched the program on the construction of Bridgewater gardens. Very good. Amazing amount of work done there. I look forward to visiting it one day.
ReplyDeleteWe've booked to visit on the 27th May, really looking forward to it.
DeleteI love Michael Portillo’s Railway programmes. He is an excellent presenter and imparts such interesting stories about the places he visits.
ReplyDeleteWe particularly enjoyed last weeks journey starting in Oxford ( where we lived and our children were born) and visiting so many places we know very well. Very nostalgic to see Slough Railway Station again, which I used every day going to and from work; Windsor where I went to the dentist; Farnham and Farnborough; Basingstoke, our local station and finally Winchester - all home ground for us ans so enjoyable.
I agree with you about Michael Portillo and his programme ,Archerphile and I have something in common with your children too as I too was born in Oxford
ReplyDeleteThe older I grow, the smaller the world becomes!
Delete...the more complicated everything is and the less I understand it!
ReplyDeleteMichael Portillo has great integrity which is probably why he left politics! It’s good to enjoy his railway journeys with him. I remember a program where he went to stay with an ordinary family with a tight budget and he fitted in so well. I think it a good idea for our leaders to get some insight into how the other half lives!
ReplyDeleteI can’t abide Michael portillo train programs. He ruins them. You just know he’s going to end up dancing or singing or dressing up. It’s embarrassing to watch.
ReplyDeleteMuch prefer the train program that has no celeb on it but is narrated by Bill Nighy.
Michael Portillo has a slot on the new Times Radio, I'm not a fan of either.
DeleteBill Nighy could be reading a telephone directory to me!
Remember those? I've still got some as souvenirs to go into a time capsule.
I love Michael Portillo's Railway Journeys. I just wish he wasn't the presenter....😉
DeleteEach to his or her own.
ReplyDeleteI think MP is a great presenter.
He is friendly ,shows an interest in what he is doing and doesn't patronise people.
He neither sang nor danced this evening.
I have yet to watch any of Bill Nighy's river journeys but do plan to watch thematic some point.
I remember that programme ,Ev.
ReplyDeleteHe stayed with a working class family in Liverpool.
I remember the young woman who lived there shaking her head and saying "Oh Mikey " and " laughing with him at one point after being amazed by what he did not know about how poor working class people managed
Agree, Lanjan. MP is tops in my book!
ReplyDeleteOther blog about ambivalent mothers. I am no earth mother but I have enjoyed having my daughter. We have had ups and downs and I didn’t take to motherhood naturally. I think it’s when I realised that she is her own person not a carbon copy of myself and Mike. The main thing I wish for her is happiness and she does have a happy and generous nature. I thank God that in my situation I am not alone and whilst that shouldn’t be the motive for having children, it is a blessing at this end of life. We get on well, accepting our differences and as in my marriage sharing a sense of humour. I remember when she was little going into the village shop at the end of the summer holidays breathing sighs of relief and another mum in there was practically in tears because she missed hers so much! Hence me not being an earth mother!! Mrs P, I hope your relationship with your daughters will blossom in the future as it is so sad that you regret having them. Maybe you should count your blessings!
Oh Ev, I do count my blessings, and I'm sure you made note that I didn't say anything negative about either of them.
DeleteOne of the things that I treasure in my daughters is seeing how each of the reflects elements of myself. And I can also see their father certainly in my youngest, who not only resembles him physically but also shares his birth sign and many of his characteristics.
Having now listened to today's WH I believe I misunderstood the title of ambivalent motherhood, because it seems it is the mundanity of life with a new baby that the ambivalence was focused on.
I actually quite liked having small children and the babyhood aspect soon passes so I made sure I enjoyed it. Unfortunately in my first year as a mother I was very unwell and needed, and got, a great deal of support. But I was still able to enjoy and appreciate this new person in my life.
I’m glad, Mrs P. That’s really positive!
DeleteThank you Ev.
DeleteI am rarely negative about either of my daughters, and I am always supportive and loyal to them both.
It is the aspect of motherhood itself that I am ambivalent about.
And because I was so, I was determined that being a mother would never be my be all and end all. I was determined not to subsume myself and I didn't.
Perhaps that is the core of my ambivalence !
I remember in the midst of bringing up my daughter and stepdaughters wondering what had happened to ME! I realised that one day they would go their separate ways and the most important thing was my relationship with my husband. Having children is a heavy responsibility but looking after them is not the be all and end all. I think too many women put them at the centre of their universe and when they leave nothing is left just a man who by now you hardly know! I don’t think this is ambivalence on my part but just getting your priorities right.
DeleteAfter they all became independent, Mike and I had our gap year or two, doing lots of travelling and enjoying each other’s company!
Have just read posts on other blog in response to a post by Patricia. She points out that what can be perceived as bullying is tainting the blog. I agree and whilst it was gently pointed out that several short posts were not always necessary, it then went on to unnecessary observations about Miriam. She has provided for her retirement and can now enjoy a new car, replacement windows and holidays when possible. No one should begrudge her all that and of course whilst being careful she posts these things as it is part of her life.
Delete👍
DeleteWe have not heard from Lady R for a while.
ReplyDeleteI am hoping she and Mr R are OK and the silence is simply due to problems posting on the blogs which has been really difficult recently.
Hello here I am Archerphile and thank you for asking after us. We lost a close friend recently not Covid related but he will leave a big gap in our lives - especially Mr R who’s goddaughter says he will now have to become her honorary dad. We were able to visit him at home for a very short visit taking all required precautions.
DeleteApart from this - yes still having some posting problems usually when a long post written so it’s 🤞🏼 for this one!
Yesterday we were able to visit another special friend for his birthday so with his wife and another friend we had a wonderful meet up so much so that today my chords are very croaky!
Nice to be back amongst you all 🤗
Very sorry to hear about your loss Lady R. I'm pleased that you were able to pay a last visit to him, it must have meant a lot.
DeleteThank you CC for your kindness and it did mean so much to us.
DeleteJanice what happened on Monday? Did the sugarless chocolate arrive before you took your neighbour to his appointment?
ReplyDeleteHello Soz. Yes, I was really pleased because the sugar free choc bars arrived very quickly (Perlege with stevia and maltitol in, and they taste lovely). I had ordered a pack of small 42gram ones in different flavours.
DeleteI had worked out exactly what I would say if asked to go shopping but I prefer a peaceful life and hate confrontation. In the event I was greatly helped by the fact that the appointment was a diabetic eye check up and this dilates the pupils so much that dark glasses have to be worn for a while afterwards to protect against the light; and I think he just wanted to go home. At any rate he didn't ask to go to the shop. They found he had had two bleeds in the eyes which may also have given him pause for thought
I did on the way home bring up the subject of how important it was to stick to a sugar free diet, (my dad developed age related diabetes so I know a bit about it) and gave him a couple of the chocolate bars and made sure he knew that he could get them online from Ebay or Amazon. He probably guessed my daughter had told me what he was up to. In June he is hoping to start driving again, in an automatic car and will himself be able to access shops and sugary things. His wife was in the track when I was walking back up from the garage so I said to her I had given him a couple of sugar free choc bars, as they were so much better for a diabetic than the usual kind. She is by no means daft, so I think my having done and said that will have put her on the alert; but as my daughter said to me he is a grown man and must make his own decisions for better or worse. Ev said I should distance myself and she is right, but it is hard when you see someone doing something daft to harm themselves.
Thank you all for your advice re. this. Much appreciated.
Thank goodness that went relatively smoothly. Roll on June when he can drive himself. I doubt he realises what an awkward situation he puts you and your daughter in.
DeleteJanice you didn’t need us after all 🤗 well done you!
DeleteLady R I was very sorry to hear your news.
ReplyDeleteI am pleased Mr R is to be an honorary dad.
I am an honorary great granny to two delightful little girls whose grandmother ,,a close friend ,I actually taught.
They are so amazed that anyone as old as their granny can actually be friendly with her teacher who is even more ancient ,that they have adopted me!
Thank you Lanjan. I often think of you and the new life you are having to adjust to as others here have and are still doing.
DeleteLady R - that is very sad news and I feel for you both, having lost a good friend. I’m so glad you had the opportunity to make a last visit.
ReplyDeleteAnd, I am much relieved that you are both well and having some enjoyable times.
I too have been having lots of problems with posting here recently. Often retyping a post several times before it ‘sticks’. I have deleted my history & cookies umpteen times as it seems the only way to circumvent the glitches!
Thank you AP for your thoughts. Yes it is so annoying when a lot of effort has gone into a post only to find whatever you do on occasions it just does not work 😡
DeleteDear Marjorie Proops (remember her?)
ReplyDeleteI have an acquaintance of long-standing who is always being picked on and whose daughter was also picked on by her teachers at school. There are any number of local shops which she will not use because the staff have been rude to her. She has no faith in our delightful, charming Sri Lankan GP, who seems not to take her seriously, and is resentful of both BT and local Council officials, all of whom have apparently treated her very shabbily. She is also in dispute with a neighbour about an adjoining wall.
Of course, I do not know her neighbour, who might well be truly obnoxious, but I am at a loss to understand why she should have to endure such constant unpleasantness from people whom I have always found helpful and friendly.
What, if anything, do you suggest I could do to help her discontent?
Yours sincerely
Concerned of Ambridge.
Well said, Sarnia. There are people like this who think the world is against them but in reality they are the problem. BTW I am not referring to anyone on this blog! Basia, Patricia didn’t mention you by name and there were several unkind comments from others. If I remember rightly you made a simple comment on the number of posts. Fair enough! As I posted on the other blog I think it is a bit pathetic when people take offence at innocent comments or actions. Again not pointing the finger at you! We had neighbours in Ledbury and she was a Hyacinth who always had to try to be posh. With another neighbour in our friendship group which had formed over 6 or so years, I went to the pub one lunchtime for chips and a pint. If we had included her she would have declined and engineered us into going to her favourite boutique hotel for a very expensive and sparse lunch! Somehow she found us out and the next day her husband came round saying they didn’t want to be friends anymore, returning our spare keys which they held. He did the same with the other couple. Her offence was even more laughable as she had often taken the other lady out without asking me too which I just shrugged off. I had not experienced this not wanting to be my friend since primary school. What I am saying is that life is too short to get upset with what other people say. Just get on with living and if they don’t like you that’s their problem. If they do alleluia!
DeleteEv, she wasn't called Hyacinth Bucket by any chance, sorry I meant Bouquet!
DeletePatriciaC didn't mention me by name but as 'one in particular who posted seven times today', so I ended up as the main bully.
DeleteBasia, you’re spot on about Hyacinth Bouquet! Our neighbour had a book on etiquette in her kitchen and once we went round for a simple lunch only to find it was soup served up in a posh China soup tureen! Who has one of those nowadays??
DeleteYou weren’t bullying and it is even a strong word for others although their personal remarks were not right. We don’t know each other personally and even if we did it is wrong to point the finger. I am concerned that we could lose the plot if we indulge in judging others and a friendly blog could disintegrate into spiteful innuendo. So let’s keep happy and Basia I along with others do not see you as a bully at all let alone the chief one!
Basia, In reply to your reply to me on the other blog, It was your comment to Miriam that your "patience was being tested" that prompted me to post as I did. Miriam is a highly educated woman who has obviously achieved a lot in her life solely on her own efforts, and should not be addressed as if she was a stroppy 10 year old by you or anyone else. I vaguely remember the conversation you recall in so much detail on the old BBC blog about the taupe curtains, but wouldn't have had a clue who it was with. I applaud your memory.
ReplyDeletePatricia, does this mean that only poorly-educated underachievers are likely to try other people's patience? I will have to give that some thought.
DeleteMiriam, If you are still reading these posts, you will see that you have a great many supporters who welcome your input and I hope you will feel able to start contributing again.
ReplyDeleteSorry about that Esscee.
ReplyDeleteSadly so many people have decided to put their foot in it!
Take a break and lets all meet together when 5 episodes appear!
I have long ago decided whose posts to read.
Esscee - It was mainly aimed at me, but I know how you feel.
ReplyDeleteI'm not giving up, I'm just going to stay mainly on the other blog because I have nothing to contribute here, as I don't like to be judged.
See you soon.
Esscee you have neither done nor said anything wrong. Your comment was polite and kindly and I think Miriam accepted it but some of the comments that followed were unnecessarily personal and not what this lifeboat is about. During the pandemic this has been a lifeline for many of us; we must be careful we don’t destroy what Ruthy so cleverly devised.
ReplyDeleteHad a trip to our local independent garden centre today. We've been going for years as most of their produce is grown as locally as possible, it's also the only place for miles around where I can get reasonably priced peat free compost. We got chatting to the owner who is the son of the couple who ran it when we first started going and he was telling us about how difficult last year was with being closed during the first lockdown. I was pleased to hear that they are slowly getting back on their feet again, I ended up spending quite a bit more than I had intended but did get some lovely plants!
ReplyDeleteGot my first delivery of peat-free compost from the milkman (!) on Monday, but haven't used any yet. Bedding plants from Sainsbury's.
ReplyDeleteIt's good stuff, Sarnia. I currently have some sunflowers growing in it. THey were planted in small pots for a craft activity and are very much hoping I'll get around to repotting them soon. (Apparently they shouldn't go outside until late May.)
DeleteI'm thinking of getting some of the shampoo and conditioner that the milkman sells in refillable glass bottles. I use a solid shampoo bar but the younger shoe dwellers seem to get through the liquid stuff at a rate of knots. I suspect they eat it ; ) One day they'll learn to rinse out the bottles to use up the last few drops then bring the empties down to the recycling ...
I also went to the Garden Centre today .
ReplyDeleteIt was the first time I have been there for many a month.
Did go a bit overboard like you did Cheshire Cheese.
My aim is to get the garden looking really stunning and colourful.
I can't do it all by myself but now ,hopefully ,I have a proper gardener to do the things I prefer not to do or can't do any more.
On Tuesday he power washed the patio and one of the paths .
Oh it came up so white
He also cut the lawn
Next time he hopes to do the rest of the power washing .
Can't wait.
I’ve been round the local garden centre and bought 2 large pots for a couple of box bushes I have that needed repotting. That is it!!! I really would love to be buying all sorts of plants but I’m having to restrain myself until we’ve moved.
ReplyDeleteThe garden in the new house is all lawn with a couple of patios so a complete blank canvas. That will be my project for the next few years.
I’m determined not to rush into things and try and do a full garden plan to work towards instead of a bit here and a bit there.
I read everyones posts. I just don’t post too often cos I haven’t got anything interesting to say really.
My major job today was pulling out the oven, range size, to clean behind and under. Haven’t done that in over a year. Omg. What a mucky carry on. Spotless now. As Monty Don would say…..there’s a job for you all this weekend. 🧹🧽🪣😱
Esscee, your request to M was polite, not bullying.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel able to post again soon.
I have left an explanation, on the other blog, of my use of the word - inane - which is a different form of - silly- which itself is the word that Miriam uses to describe her posts.
Where as others are unhappy about the number of short posts, my greatest complaint is that Miriam constantly puts herself down, enabling herself to be perceived as a victim. As Patricia has said, Miriam has held throughout her working life an important professional role in the community and I find it very difficult to perceive her as a ' silly' person therefore I find this to be a very strange practice and wonder what it is that prevents her having confidence about what she posts.
I have today escaped from the cabin.
ReplyDeleteLike many others over the last year I have suffered quite badly from cabin fever.
I need to be out and about exploring.
I have a 98 year old cousin who I connected with after my mother's death twenty odd years ago. My cousin had not seen me before that since I was four or five years old.
We are the surviving two grandchildren of a Welsh matriarch, born twenty years apart.
Before Covid I visited as often as possible, at least every three months or so.
She is almost completely chair bound but still sharp as a knife.
The Covid situation has hardly impacted on her and although she understands why, she has missed my visits.
It was worth the 140 mile round trip to see her today, but because of the rain Lady did not get her walk on the beach.
Glad you had such a good day, Mrs P.
DeleteHere's hoping you're now able to resume your three-monthly visits.
Three cheers for the RSPCA who have just been to collect the fledgling crow that fell out of its nest this morning. As its parents didn't come to find it, a younger shoe-dweller phoned for advice and was told to put him in a box in the garage with a towel over him for the night. Despite having an impressively loud squawk, the baby bird was clearly getting tired and my shoe-dweller was worried about him. She phoned to give an update, and they came to collect him twenty minutes later.
ReplyDeleteThe last bird incident we had was several years ago when Boris the Bird-Brain fell down our chinmey and then sat looking stupid on the ledge at the back. We got him out, looking rather sooty and bemused, and put him in a box on the whirly-gig washing line - we'd been told to put him off the ground. He flew away later, presumably to tell his wood-pigeon friends of his exciting adventure. I must say, he did a thorough job of sweeping the chimney.
We had a similar experience years ago. A jackdaw fell down to just above an old fashioned bedroom fireplace. Could we get him out, no, he hopped back on to a ledge just out of reach. We left him alone hoping when it was quiet he would come out into the bedroom and fly out the window. Nope. So in the end next day we got the chimney brushes and my son very gradually pushed him/her back up the chimney. I watched from outside and he popped out and did a rather wobbly circle around the chimney and then flew off with his mate who was still waiting for him.
DeleteI had chimney bird guards put on after that.
DeleteWe have bird guards over our chimney pots but we were unaware of a crack between the pot and the top of the chimney. Last week we tried to have a fire but the smoke was determined to billow out into the room rather than up the chimney so we abandoned it. That evening I thought I could hear scratching sounds but decided it was wood spitting on next door’s fire. Next day my husband explored the chimney to find a very bedraggled jackdaw covered in soot ( as was my husband ). When released the bird spent a long time wiping its head on anything it could find. I think it was trying to get the soot out of its eyes. Then it flew back to the chimney pot! We’ve now had the chimney swept and the crack mended.
ReplyDeleteWe had a bird fall down behind the gas fire and had to get a gasman to take the fire out as a dead bird would get rather ripe! As it happened bird was alive and gasman drew all curtains but left door on to patio open. Bird flew towards the light and freedom! I think it was a starling or blackbird but due to its hasty retreat cannot be sure! Yes we did have a chimney guard put on after that, just hadn’t thought about it before. The chimney was open as we had a coal fire before the gas fire went in.
ReplyDeleteAnd now the starlings! Just fledged and now sat on a fence waiting for the poor parent birds to feed 7 or 8 birds at a time. Thankfully they will fly in about two weeks time and we will have peace until next year. I am afraid that my neighbour whose trees they are nesting in and who regards the birds as 'b****y birds' will have to remove the leylandi next year as they always return to the nesting place!
ReplyDeleteArcherphile Just in case you have doubts I have message you on fb!
Bullies came in all shapes and sizes and ages. A bully needs bystanders to enhance their social standing within a group. This blog has a bully who has inveigled others to make comments about the content of a victim’s posts. Bullies get a kick out of picking on someone else, it provides them with a sense of power within the group. A bully doesn’t act alone and he/ she can project an image of being in control through appearing to be intelligent.
ReplyDeleteLastly a bully lacks cognitive and affective empathy.
This blog is no different to other groups who congregate on line to engage is discussion. However sometimes the posts lack direction around the content.
The other blog mentioned earlier has site administrators who manage the content and will remove unhealthy posts or the undermining of another poster.
Ruth’s started up a nice blog but many ( such as myself) have dwindled away. I still read occasionally but with sadness, Patricia has made a valid comment about the overt and covert victimisation of another. Sometimes victims don’t realise that they are being bullied. But the bully knows what they are doing because of the vicarious thrill they experience from doing so and in receiving applause from others.
Stasia, I take it personally as you say this blog has a bully and I was singled out by PatriciaC with whom you agree and who didn't have the courage to address me by name but referred to me as "one in particular has posted seven times today, but feels her "patience is being tested" when this particular person does the same, albeit over a shorter period of time."
DeleteTherefore you claim that every description of bullies applies to me according to the above.
I am not here to defend myself against your attack and I hope others will ignore your post.
A heartfelt Plea.
ReplyDeleteI now know that I was posting wrongly, as to how I was doing this and the contents of my posts, of no interest to many.
My Plea - is to remember why this board was initially set up by Ruthy, and why she did this.
GG then took it over and has maintained it, in his own personal time, since then.. and I 👏👏 him, for doing this.
All I can add is - had 2nd jab today 😁 and arm already sore. It was another fire fighter.
Cheshire Cheese. I watched the programme about the new RHS site at Salford. I was amazed and intrigued as to what was, a 3 year construction site. I plan to visit on my birthday, in September.
Remember All, the ethos of Ruthy, when she set this site up, and why.
One post only. 🤣🤣🤣
To add - which is a very important extra.
DeleteI have NEVER felt "bullied". I object strongly to this wording + scenario. I just felt I was being picked upon, and nothing more.
Blessed are the peacemakers.
DeleteGlad to hear you've had your second jab. I hope your arm feels better soon. I was fortunate with my first jab; it only hurt when I tried to lie on it. (Which was a bit of a problem as the opposite shoulder was also painful at the time! )
'It was another fire fighter' - did you mean the fire fighters were doing the jabs? (If so, you probably mentionned this after your first jab. But I have a memory like a sieve.) The only alternative explanation I can come up with it that your arm had an independant career in the fire service : )
You have a lot to offer this little lifeboat, Miriam. Please stick with us.
I hope that you keep posting Miriam and I hope that your arm is better soon.
DeleteStasia I concur with your post. A blog such as this is an open forum. Without the visual clues of body language and tone of voice that we have in face to face situations it is very easy to cause upset ( I personally struggle I real life as well)
ReplyDeleteParaphrasing slightly people say they might disagree with an opinion but defend someone’s right to express it, sometimes I agree with an opinion but feel it may be best left unsaid, and certainly not repeated several times when it looks like ganging up. There are times when it is easier and kinder to roll your eyes ( no one can see when you’re on line) and just skim to the next post.
Miriam that is exactly what bullies do, they PICK on people.
ReplyDeleteThank you KPnuts.
Please - just sit back, calm down and put the stirring wooden spoon, away.
DeleteThings have been OTT, I know, but should this be continued?
NO!
I cannot forget nor forgive as such, but I can accept in a strange way.
DeleteWe are all different, after all.
Yes, please, please, please can we all return to normal! I know I don't blog very often , but it has been such a joy to read about everyone and how you are all coping during the very strange times we are living through. I am full of admiration for those facing huge difficulties and personal tragedies - hard enough to deal with when life is normal, unimaginably hard in the present circumstances. The concern of bloggers for the others, the humour and the mutual help, the feeling that, being probably of a very similar age we can happily make references to the past experiences which we can't really share with other age groups in the same way, books, food and everything else. It would be such a shame to lose a source of comfort and inspiration and the different views of so many who have contributed to making this blog the special thing it is... let's not lose it!
DeletePS, despite finding all the advice (some time ago) on decluttering, I still haven't succeeded! Any more advice?
bufo9bufo: decluttering? Buy a bigger house!
DeleteI might have a book on the subject. If so, it's buried under far too much clutter to be of any use.
Marie Kondo says to throw out anything that doesn't 'spark joy'. So far I've earmarked the iron and ironing board, the hoover, all the pots and pans, the tax records, the printer, and the vast family of shoes that has been breeding in my porch. Are these the things she had in mind, do you think?
Some people are good at minimalism. Others of us are not.
In my experience, clutter expands to fill the space available.
Enough! That’s it.
ReplyDeleteThis whole ‘bullying’ business has gone too far. I resent people who write here being labelled as bullies.
I do not think you can call the correspondence with Miriam as bullying at all.
Several people, and I admit I was one, asked her in kindly and pleasant terms to modify her many posts into one or two per day, and explained the reasons why.
Nobody called her nasty names or denigrated her interests or amade
Sorry, I meant to delete this comment but cannot seem to do so. Please ignore
DeleteI should explain that I started writing this immediately after Stasia’s post at 3.21.
DeleteI then had an interruption and couldn’t come back online until just now. My post was still there half written. I thought better of it and tried to delete, but for some reason could not do so ( the ‘delete’ sign has disappeared) and it published instead.
Since I began writing, several other posts have been published, notably those by Miriam herself. I welcome her statement that she didn’t feel bullied and am very glad of that.
I sincerely hope we can get back to our usual pleasant posts now without being accused of something we are not.
Ruthy's Lifeboat - so needs to continue as she originally intentended.
ReplyDeleteWhere would all be - otherwise..
Totally agree Miriam. It has been, and hopefully will continue to be a lifeline for us all
DeleteQuite right, AP. I cannot for the life of me see how politely requesting someone not to dominate the blog by continually supplying sometimes over a quarter of the content, can be construed as 'picking' on them.
ReplyDelete